Escape
by KirasTastefulTragedy
Summary: Very Mature fic...  Quatre is slowly self destructing after horrid loss.    beautiful... Painful... Release... Can Duo, or Rashid or the others snap him out of it before they lose him too.  "Trowa...why..."  yaoi, self destruction, etc be warned
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi!, I'm Kira... the 'demented author'...Okay, this story is going to have... self mutilation, rape, mentioned yaoi 3x4,hinted 2x4, and even a bit of hinted 6x4 (poor Quatre...he really gets around) slight AU, some serious mental problems, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, bulimia, anorexia, and well. Lets just say.. its a messed up story, coming from a messed up mind, I'll continue with the rest as it goes along. But Quatre has hidden pain.. that's tearing through him, and to many time now and for to long, he's hidden it...

DISCLAIMER: Roses are red, violets are blue... I dont own... thus you dont sue!

RATING: Mature... because of swearing, self mutilation, rape, drugs, alcohol, etc...

A/N: This is an old story actually…. I am just now posting it in this account. Its been years since I posted anything Gundam Wing on ff.n … but please note that it has been years since I wrote this… thus after the old chapters stop… the newer ones (after ch 16) will be most likely a slightly different style. But I will try to keep true to it as much as possible. And I will be posting chapters pretty often since my old style was VERYYYYyyyy short chapters. Anything newer will be mor etrue to my style if you have read any of my ff7 stories you'll know. On with the fic….

**"Escape"**

_**-part 1-**_

_**'woven in mystery'**_

-anxiety-

'No matter how you put it, everything in my life seams to add to the feelings that tear me apart... all from the inside.. secretly... out.'

-beautiful.. tempting.. anxiety-

Quatre rolled to one side in the feather soft bed. He hadn't been able to sleep at all, other then a few five minute cat naps that he had caught.. basically the whole night.

again, another beautifully painful night.

He faced the slowly ever lightening window.

'the hell with mornings'

For too long now he had, had to wear a mask, covering the inner suffering. but slowly. The mask seamed to be wearing thin.

His muscles ached, tossing and turning through the muggy, hot night had taken what little reserved strength he had. his skin had become so pale. Not the same crisp clear, pure skin that had shown his inner radiance for so long.

no... it was a sickly pale. Though he hid it well, growing thin, malnourished, though he ate. He ate well in fact... little did anyone know that he would quickly rid himself of the full stomach shortly after he ate.

'today is Wednesday... I'm supposed to meet duo... why am I even alive' Quatre let thoughts rip through him, just as his own feelings did.

He pulled himself painstakingly up off the bed that provided no rest at all for him lately. His heart ached, as did his body.

'how long has it been... since you left...' He thought as slowly made his way to the bathroom. He rubbed his arm when a slight twinge of pain caught his attention.

His feet softly padded their way along the carpeted floor. the scent of breakfast being made caught his attention then.

'they'll be looking for me soon...' he thought as he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

"Where are you...?" his voice, low and trembling seamed to float in mid air and almost echo in his own mind.

He reached out and took hold of the small case on the back of the sink. slowly unzipping it to reach in and grab something from its contents. He pulled out the small silver object. a razor blade. He almost smiled to himself

-release-

"how can freedom be found in pain... only beauty is found in pain... not freedom... its a release" he whispered hearing his own voice almost bounce off the bathroom walls.

He had been afraid to cut himself before, but that had been almost a year ago, but he quickly found that it was almost the only thing that made him forget some of the inner pain that was held, trapped inside him. Or did it?... maybe it only made him forget momentarily with the onslaught of the physical pain.

But it wasn't really a physical pain, certainly not anymore. He was almost completely numbed to anything. it didn't ever really provide a warmth in pain, he was dead inside. and slowly dying physically too.

Quatre didn't even understand his own feelings... certainly not anymore.. something was missing. a part of him that had helped him understand his own soul for so long. Now causing this gapping hole that was ever widening, and becoming ever more noticeable.

Now his entire world, was woven in mystery... and beginning to weave itself with shame.

Quatre pulled the razor blade up to look at it in the light of the room.

-Anxiety-

-Release-

'where are you...?'

~End part 1~


	2. Chapter 2

WARNINGS: okay.. same warnings apply here... self mutilation, rape, angst, slight yaoi, drinking, drugs, eating disorders, pain, mental problems... etc...

RATING: Mature... due to the above things...

AUTHOR: okay... so far Quatre has awoken to another painful time through his life... again this is coming from 'my' demented mind... thus... beware... there are some disturbing things rolling around in the space I call my head.

DISCLAIMER: roses are red, violets are blue... I don't own... thus you don't sue!

**"ESCAPE"**

_**-part 2-**_

_**'infliction'**_

'Its to bad... I turned out like this' the small boy thought as he held the small shiny object up to inspect the stains that were still on it from the previous night.

-pain...beauty-

He had shook so many times... the urge from his mind. but he couldn't fight it. HE was weak to the urge.

It was an urge to feel the sting of the minute sized edge of the blade to cut deeply into his own snowy white flesh... bringing the beautiful warm burgundy colored liquid to his sights.

Quatre looked in the mirror at his upper arm where the slight twinge of pain had been felt moments before. and he saw the three gashes that were still fresh... the previous night. red, swollen

-release-

Again he thought of his needing to be on his way... they'd all be looking for him soon. Rashid.. his dear friend, duo.. if he didn't show up on time, Zechs.. if he didn't show up at the preventers meeting.

So much had changed in his life since... well, since the end of the war, and the battle against Marie Meia's forces.

But again, the reflection that Quatre saw when he peered into the mirror, was almost unrecognizable anymore. His hair had grown long, he hardly cared for himself. Other than dressing and showering, he left the rest up to fate nowadays... depression, had set in.

-anxiety-

"hn.. too bad you don't know any better... eh 'Quatre...Reberba... Winner'" Quatre spoke aloud to himself mockingly as he brought the blade down in contact with the skin on his lower arm.

He didn't even flinch as he brought the blade slowly and almost teasingly across the tender area of his body. The feeling, was a slight sting... but it was beautiful.

The blond small body almost moaned at the feeling as his own blood began to quickly bead up on the cut. But without another thought he brought the blade down again, in the same spot.

This time, he almost cried out... what was he trying to do. Time seamed to stand still. Was he trying to end it there.

His eyes went almost blank as the pain struck through his ar. making the muscles almost convulse.

"Beautiful.. release.." he whispered out with the strength he had.

-infliction-

But as soon as he had a grip on his own thoughts, he brought the blade down again, this time in a quick flip of his wrist, making a gash next to the one deep one... and another... three. Quatre's mark... three...

-painful-

-beautiful-

-infliction-

"Ohh..." Quatre moaned out "What am I doing..." he cried to himself and quickly dropped the bloody blade to the white tile floor.

He could feel the deep cut trickle the warm burgundy liquid. It fled down his wrist and into his palm. Quatre touched his tongue to a drop of the liquid. It tasted like iron, salty, bittersweet.

He turned the faucet of the sink on quickly as the blood started to drip onto the floor. Alowing the sink to fill. He plunged his arm into the water, turning it a light red. He watched as his cut poured the red substance into the water.

It burned.. the cold water burned... like it was searing his flesh. 'ah.. beautiful... painful release.'

How long could he keep this up. He had been playing his own role, a fake for so long now, he didn't know what to do.

Quatre splashed water onto his face from the running faucet. he splashed it onto his hair and pulled the unruly strands, that were a soft golden color, back away from his eyes. though they overhung in his face, they never hid his eyes completely.

The deep aquamarine colored eyes, that were a sea of mystery, abashed in pain. And crying out in a loneliness that had been felt for some time now.

Quatre turned his head to look at the door, he could hear Rashid calling him. His dear caretaker, that worried about him like he was his own child... had taken care of him so well. and knew something was wrong but never dared to ask.

'ohh... dear Rashid... does anyone ever notice... do I cry out or am I completely dead?...'

"It is too bad" he said aloud... "That I turned out like this" He pulled his arm out of the water noticing that the stinging had subsided. He stared at the freshly inflicted wounds, one still slightly trickled blood. HE probably needed stitches, the wound was deep... there was no thought of that.

He grabbed a small bandage and wrapped it around the wound. wincing every time he pulled it tighter with each wrap.

"That's what I deserve." He said as he swung the cabinet door open.. he had no energy, no life... it was all a numbed inner pain.

He pulled a bottle of painkillers that he took faithfully.. upping the dose every time that he felt it didn't work. He almost cried out as he brought the bottle down.

'Boy... I did myself in good this time huh..' he thought as the pain in his arm struck him, he could feel the deep cut and the two sides of flesh on either side of the wound rub every time he moved his arm. He grabbed the bandage.

"Damn it!.." He shouted

"Is everything okay master?" He heard Rashid call from the bedroom, obviously looking for him and wondering why he was making so many noises in the bathroom. 'shit... he cant find out...' he thought, beginning to panic.

"Yeah.." he said mockingly tired, and happy. He plopped about four of the painkillers into his mouth 'these should help' he thought. "Rashid.. I'm coming, hold on, I'm just freshening up. then I simply have to dress.. I'll be down in five... okay?" he said in a happy tone trying to mask the fatigue in his voice... the dead feeling that was showing through that mask that he wore...

-so much infliction-

'yup... its to bad I turned out like this...'

~end part 2~


	3. Chapter 3

-1Okayyyyyy... I'm sick of trying to remember.. all the info to put here... so basically. this fic is rated Mature because of self inflicted pain/self mutilation, rape, yaoi, drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, pain, mental problems, and anything else bad... like swearing, violence, religious acts... anything bad my demented mind can think of... and I don't own anything other than a bad case of heartburn and some Midol... so helpppppppppp

**"ESCAPE"**

_**-part 3-**_

_**'entering into sadness'**_

From that moment of the morning for Quatre... everything seamed like a haze for him. The pills took effect quickly. Leaving him disoriented, and queasy in the stomach. though... having nothing on his stomach didn't help any.

He finally made his way out of the bathroom when he knew Rashid had left. finding his cloths laid out on the bed.

"I guess I am still a child.." he scoffed. But at the same time didn't admit that he was thankful, considering he wasn't really able to pick out his own cloths due to his exhaustion, loss of blood. and the way the pills were effecting him.

"My life is so screwed up... so screwed up" He said sitting on the edge of the bed and burying his head in his hand. the demons in his head tore through him so violently... they were the effect the war had on his body. and the effect that space had, had on his poor fragile heart.

He felt the pain of emotion, he had lost something dear... so dear and it was killing him, from the inside out.

He began to laugh through the sobs, allowing his body to shake uncontrollably. he laid back on the bed, sideways, allowing his long legs to dangle over the edge.

He had grown at least a foot since the war, still was shorter in comparison to the other pilots but getting longer limbed, filling out to his final size. He looked so different.

When his body had finally calmed slightly, he wiped the tears that had formed in the corners of his eyes away.

Quickly sitting up he determined within his own strengths, now powered by whatever medication was in those pills.

"I have to get going... another day in agony..." his face showed a sense of sadness that it hadn't showed in the days prior. For a depressed look had washed over his features, blotting out any ability of sadness. but now...

Maybe it had been just long enough for him to finally let sadness seep in...

Quatre groaned as he turned his head looking at the clock... 8 o' clock... just like that day...

~flashback~

Quatre turned his head to the clock... they had slept in, they were both so tired. 8 o' clock.. they had to get moving.

"oh aisuru*..." Quatre whispered into the taller boys ear. and watched as his breathing still remained calm and even... sound asleep

So Quatre whimpering slightly.. sore from their actions the night before. leaned over so his chest was against the taller boys arm. and kissed the boys shoulder.

Quatre starred up at the peaceful face of his aijin** he was so beautiful when he slept. but leaned his face down feathering kissed across the sleeping boys shoulder, then his chest, then his stomach... in an attempt to awake him.

It worked, as the boy slowly allowed his eyes to flutter open, smiling and almost arching his back at the sudden arousal, with the feeling of his young lover planting kisses on his body.

"Oh Trowa..." Quatre breathed out. "Do we have to leave today... I really like it here..." He stopped and crawled back up to rest his head on Trowa's chest.

"Its okay... little one... watashi ai anata***, we will be coming back before you know it... this mission will only last a couple of weeks.

It had been almost six months since the end of the war, but the boys missions still came, whether they were from the preventers headquarters, or simply, their own feelings against the world.

the young couple made their way to get ready, sharing a last passionate kiss before they got ready.. little did they know it would be their last...

"Alright.. we'll see you guys in a couple of weeks if all goes well!" Quatre waved smiling to the other three, and Noin and Sally. Trowa gave a nod to the few standing at the base of the plane..

"Come on little one... we have a job to do!" Trowa called to his dear companion.

they made their way into the secret base as planned, but not everything went the way it should. the rebels were prepared for them... immediately taking them as hostage. they weren't holding them for ransom, not for the Gundams, because they didn't have them any more, and not for any weaponry... it was simply hard feelings against, the ex Gundam pilots.

Beatings... questionings... pain... everything inflicted on the young pilots.. and never could the young lovers be comforted by each others arms.

"Be strong little one!..." trowa called out as he was pulled the last time away from the cell that was across from Quatre's. the taller boy was covered in caked on dried blood. and bruises and swelled up marks covered his precious features on his face. they even had burned his hair...

Quatre never saw him after that... he covered up the sheer pain that ripped through him to see his aijin** like that. from that moment on, a numbness swept over him. not allowing the pain of the beatings to effect him. He only cried out thinking of Trowa... never on his one pain...

But in the weeks that followed, he had lost hope of rescue... not even wanting to be rescued... not without his dear friend, and companion, and lover. and not with the shit they had put him through.. he never wanted anyone to see him like this.

In the last week they had raped him too, adding a new pain to his body. It wasn't the warm engulfed fulfilled feeling as when he had been with Trowa, it was a painful ripping.

They tore his flesh in an effort to climax themselves... one after another... his guards... the ones who beat him, the ones who raped him... one more scar on top of another.

He closed his eyes... praying that Trowa wasn't suffering the same fate... hoping, with what little hope he had left.. that the dear one that he had loved so deeply, had either gotten away. Or was out of his misery.

But Quatre would never find out. left in a mangled mess. They had obviously gotten all they could out of him. so one dreary storming night. he was thrown like a piece of trash, mangled, bloody, and naked. into a pile on a street corner.

In a place he had never been to before...

~end flashback~

"Damn it... those fucked up bastards..." he cried... " how could they do that to him...?" he reached under his own weight and pulled the shirt up and over his head. and stood to pull the pants up. still allowing his own sparse tears to flow. "How could they have done that to him..."

~End part 3~

*::::Aisuru/ beloved

**:::aijin/lover

***::watashi ai anata/I love you


	4. Chapter 4

disclaimer: I own nothing... except... a nosebleed... darn ye alll

warnings: okyyyyyyy ye know the ole' drill... self mutilation, rape(flashbacks), yaoi, laguage, drug abuse, alchohol abuse, murder(new), etc...

pairings: 4x3 and others eventually

**"ESCAPE"**

_**-part 4-**_

_**'humiliation'**_

'hn... another day.. faking is becoming a specialty of mine...' Quatre thought to himself as he pulled his dark pants up and button the closure. He had to shake the thoughts from his head as a memory drifted back of him and Trowa... when they first had fallen...

"No... I cant even think of that..." he said and tried to keep his composure... so much had happened in only a short amount of time back then... it was far to painful.

Quatre grasped a hold of his arm where the bandage was, under the sleeve. tightly he squeezed it till he could feel the blood seeping through its layers... till he could feel the fitful pain that reverted from the pressure.

How much longer could he pretend for the others... he obviously wasn't too good... they hardly ever asked him on the missions any more. And they were careful not to even mention Trowa's name in his presence.

In some ways he was thankful that he had to do little.. and was spared of the pain that his lover's name brought to him. Even Rashid was different now... trying to cater less to the young pilot but trying to simply watch out silently.. and be there when he fell.

But more and more now... the flashes of memory were coming stronger for Quatre... pushing him to the brink of sanity... at night.. unable to sleep.. the image of the taller uni-banged boy floated... in his memory... the pictures and the feeling of the men... each thrust.. each wave of agony that they had caused through Quatre's jaded flesh.

Quatre's body was raked with a wave of hurt... such a pain from the past as he remembered what had happened shortly after...

~flashback~

Quatre awoke... his vision blurred... all he saw was red as the warm salty fluid ran into his eyes.

'Where am I'... his mind raced though he barely could move out of the crumpled mess that they had left him in.

No one obviously was looking for him... or at least here they weren't. Where is his lover... all Quatre could think of was the honey haired boy that he had held in his dreams over the time he'd been raped and beaten...

"Trowa..." the hushed words barely escaped his lips. He reached down to feel his cold manhood... he was all there despite the painful torture they'd inflicted... he could move his legs... he could see, though his vision was blurred.

'How could they do that all.. for so long.. and to him... and then just toss me out on the street. Am I just street trash like that. Does my life mean anything?' questions plagued his poor mind. He forgot the pain. as he started to push himself up on his hands, and make his way to his feet.

"Trowa!" he yelled with frustration and anger... "Where are you..." he cried... such anger...

-alone-

"Trowa... you damn fucking bastard... Trowaaaaaaaa!" his voice breaking and almost whining out the end of the boys name.

-darkness-

~flashback ends~

Quatre dug his nails into the skin of his palm. He had to snap out of it... he was going crazy.. the damn demons raced and rampaged as they pleaded... playing painfully with the horrid nightmarish memories.. if that what you could call them. Or rather parts of hellish history... an unforgotten play in the show of life.

-humiliation-

'I'm dead... this is only a pretense of the hell I'll live in when I'm dead... is it because I couldn't save him... He's there.. being tortured worse than I was... its because I let them push me out. And I didn't go back there to save him.' the sandrock's pilot's thoughts tore through him harshly

'I didn't indulge my own desire... maybe I should have let them fuck me easier.. given in... maybe they were simply holding onto you... causing you hurt... I should have gone back...' Quatre rocked back on his heels letting the light of the sun from the window catch on his eye...

He was trying to force back the thoughts that were trying to calm him. that told him the truth. though painful... and unbelievable.

Though he didn't want to accept it. He knew Trowa was gone, gone for good... there was nothing he could have done about it then.. there's nothing he can do about it now.

Both he and Trowa knew the risk of having a relationship in such an unstable time... they were both ex Gundam pilots... and a target... but they also knew their love...

The fate.. was inevitable... Un-forsake-able... to be met by one or another.. or all for that sake.

Now Quatre had to live with this 'hn... live... life... such a distasteful word...' Quatre thought... he had to live with this... the pain of the fate that his comrade and lover had met up with... it was pure humiliation... and the worst hurt of all... was he was alone...

~end part 4~


	5. Chapter 5

RATINGS:nc17... for good reason...

PAIRINGS: mentioned 3x4... thats history and flashbacks though.. but hinted 2x4 and mayby some 6x4 dunno yet.. okay.. I'm an emotional person.. I cant jade my milly-chan so easily as some of you out there... he's hard to give up

**"ESCAPE"**

_**-part 5-**_

_**'sweet escape'**_

"Good morning master... I take it you are rested well?" Rashid's weathered voiced entered the dust blonds ears as he went at a crawling pace towards the bright room filled with morning sun.

Quatre wanted anything but be in a sunlight filled room, he wanted to back to his room, and close the blinds and be in the darkness, I belonged to the darkness now, a disgraced piece of shit... street trash is what he was... and that's what had been made perfectly clear... he would never let himself live that down.

"After breakfast we are to meet master duo... he called making sure the meeting was still on.. and. if you don't mind I took the liberty to say yes. you weren't ready yet so.." He was cut off as Quatre almost silently mouthed a short sentence to him.

"Its alright Rashid... the day plays itself out... let it run its course..." Quatre almost had to force himself to make a reply to the older man that had been his caretaker for some time now. He had forged any feelings he had for the older father figure the same as he had forged up the few caring feelings he had for anyone that he had grown close to during the war.

He locked it away into the vast abyss of numbness that had taken over ever since he had been broken.. and lost the one person closest to him.

He sat to the table motioning Rashid's hand away when he offered him a plate of eggs and toast. He simply picked up the cup of black coffee. the bitter flavor making him purse his lips... wanting the foreign feeling of another liquid to be away from his body.. but he had to ingest something. Or he'd have a hell of a lot of persuasion from Rashid.

He was careful to keep his bandage covered arm covered by his sleeve. He was til worried though, that Rashid would notice his fervently darting eyes. and sweat covered brow, as the painkillers played their effect. Leaving Quatre trembling and unfocused.

'Damn, damn, damn...' Quatre thought 'I should have waited till later.. he'll notice for sure...' Quatre pressed his forefinger against the edge of the table top pressing it back, far, and hard... feeling the skin almost tear, he stretched it so far and hard.. that it felt like it was going to snap... he felt a slight ache as the numbness slightly vanished where the join was almost at its breaking point.

"Are you okay master?" Rashid asked caring deeply for the young blond.. who actually was almost 19 at this time... still a young soul in his eyes... "You just... seam... out of sorts." Rashid again added from the edge of the room where he stood going over some paperwork.

"God Damn It Rashid!... You always question me... why don't you stay the frickin' away, and out of my life... !" Quatre barked the harsh and stern words out like there was no tomorrow.

He threw his napkin on the table and stormed passed Rashid, barely keeping his balance, rage filling his eyes along with a madness that ran through his head.

The words caused a deep wound to be inflicted upon the older maguanat leader. He grabbed his heart and let his week knees to numbly lower him to the ground. He felt a wave of sadness flood him. And he began to sob.

"Ohh... Quatre.. I tried.. I tried" He moaned in between sobs. ' He never opened up ever again since that time... he is such a stubborn jackass... ' "Ohh Quatre I love you... but you worry and hurt me sooo..." the man clenched his fists. "What is it you wish of me?..."

'What have I done...'Quatre questioned his intentions as he uneasily made his way out of the family mansion... he had to meet duo.. there was no shaking that duty. The braided boy would come hunting him down if he didn't show up.

Quatre pulled the bottle of pills out of his pocket and swallowed a couple. He knew not of any release. How could he ever escape

Quatre clenched his arm tightly allowing the blood to seep through even onto his arm... it shot the stinging surge of pain up his arm.. the cut was definitely deep.. ahh... sweet release.. he felt his body jerk.. as he stumbled and his vision faded...

~End part 5~

A/N: PLEASE REMEMBER AGAIN…. This is VERY old writing. Poorly done. Maybe an ok story idea. But I was only like 13 or 14 when I wrote this so… go easy on me, k? I plan on finishing it though. As I never quite DID finish it. But it will get there ;)


	6. Chapter 6

a/n: I don't own anything but a bad case of Quatre fever... its rated nc17 or higher for a damn good reason, it's slight Yaoi and then some ;) , and if you don't know yet what's happened.. Then, you do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars... just start at the beginning! kuso baka people... all others read on

,'the demented author'

Warnings: no seriously, this chapter is harsh… there's a death… or should I say.. Murder basically, involved. Its not pretty… mention of rape and other sick things.

**"ESCAPE"**

_**-part 6-**_

_**'broken paths'**_

All he knew was, he had fallen and blacked out. But Quatre didn't wake up on the ground... and he didn't wake up at his home... He didn't know where he was yet... He felt weird... drained and well.. just as emotionally hurt and painful as usually.

He felt the familiar sensation in his arm, but when he looked down.. someone had changed his bandage.

"Well, man I don't know what happened, but where were you go'in in that shape... eh?" a voice from somewhere in the darkened room spoke up.

Quatre shut his eyes and sighed... 'I knew it would come down to this' he thought.

"Well, actually... I was on my way to see 'you' Duo Maxwell..." Quatre said pulling himself into a sitting position. though the throbbing in his head was trying to tell him to simply lay back down.

"Well, I'm flattered Q-man... really, but you shouldn't have gone out when you're...er'... injured... what the hell happened!" Duo asked skeptically. walking in and setting next to the blond Arabian. Duo took him in almost with hungry eyes, scanning the desert prince. Making sure he was okay.

Duo put his hand on top the boys head "What happened Quatre?" he again asked getting worried but speaking softly to his long time friend.

Quatre's eyes were distant, he starred off into a nothingness space. the darkness that shed and bounced off the deep chasms, his eyes. It made him feel more secure in a way to be in the darkness. But how... how could he tell Duo, though next to Trowa... he always trusted Duo the most. How could he ever come out with such a deep dark secret.

"I'm not sure, I cant remember... That's all. All I know is I was walking here and I suddenly blacked out... no big deal." He said trying to brush the braided pilot off

"No big deal?... NO BIG DEAL!..." duo said starting to become more frustrated... "Quatre.." He said with a tired sadness in his tone. "This... this is a big deal..." he said with tears forming in his usually cheerful eyes as he picked Quatre's arm up and pointed at the bandage.

"Damn it! Maxwell... its nothing of your business... I'm fine, leave it alone!" Quatre said frustrated and exhausted... not wanting to have to go through the torture of telling him why.

For gods sakes 'he' didn't even know why... why he did that... it was beautiful.. pain.. blood.. but only on his own body. How could he live anything down.

The beatings, the rapes... being robbed of the thing most precious to him, taking that mans life... how could he live it all down...

~flashback~

Quatre walked, stumbling every step, yet picking himself right back up. He felt blood trickling down his unfeeling arm as the wound was still gaping open... another open wound. He didn't even know where that one came from.

A blinding rage shielded his eyes as every step made his world more and more hazy. A hate, a hate for everyone. He was no longer the boy that was against needless bloodshed, no.. he was just another casualty of misunderstanding humans.

He felt dead... yes, he was just a walking dead person. Ready to take the world down with him.

Red... red was all he saw, enraging him ever more. There was no past.. no gundams.. no war. There was no future, no love, no hope. and most of all to him now, there was really no present. only putting one dead limb in front of another.

Making his way down a dead alleyway in a grungy part of a city. Other than that there was no telling where he was, or where he was going. He simply stumbled and trembled. and cried.

"Trowa... " his hoarse voice, filled with fervent pain and exhaustion, frustration and sorrow. He moaned the name out as rain began to pelt his body and the cold bit as his numbed body.

The sky was even red... the color of blood. that's all he saw, blood. that sweet yet bitter, salty yet metallic liquid.

An old man was sitting huddled against a grungy building in the alleyway. He was to old and drunk to even acknowledge the broken boy. But even through his bloody tears... Quatre noticed him... and the built up rage... set in...

"I don't care..." Quatre screeched... hardly able to talk but raising the volume of his voice "Tell me where.. TROWA ISSSS...!" He said throwing the old man against the wall with an unbeatable strength.

The adrenalin in his body built up even though his limbs were at their maximum capacity of strength, and the loss of blood was pushing him past the point of reality. He threw the man so hard that he heard the bode crack against the building.

The old man cried out, but was quickly silence, instantaneous death. But Quatre went to the slumped over body that now lay on the ground.

"I said... where is he..." Quatre said maniacally. and kicked the body. He started kicking him, the old mans blood beginning to wash over Quatre's feet and legs from the rain. He was kicking him so hand he could feel the old mans ribs crack under the blows.

In his head Quatre felt his youthful deity... the spirit which he had shown for oh so long screaming and crying and pulling at his thoughts. telling and pleading him to stop... pleading him to simply stop.

But outwardly he cried a different message. "Damn you... stop.. stop it all... bring him back" He dropped on his knees in front of the bloody carcass "bring... br..bring... hi...him.. backkkkk..." He wailed and felt his own body grow limp.

'I took a life... now take my own...' his mind whispered and his world went black...

~flashback end~

Quatre stared numbly out at the room though he pulled roughly away from the touch of his fellow pilot. 'Our paths are so different... my soul is jaded... I am not worthy to walk the same path as him...' he thought of duo and how he cared...

"We walk two different paths... Mine.. duo.. Mine is broken... That's all there is, that's all there is for me~!"

~End part 6~


End file.
